ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
