I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize