Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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