so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Randomize
