to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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