oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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