his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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