I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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