Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
