he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think a kid would responsible me up
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
