Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
