Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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