I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
