Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
