Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
