Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
