i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
