All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
