Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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