she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize