Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
