so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
