He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
