I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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