it's like iHOP with fire
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
