I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
