Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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