I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
