I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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