hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
