She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
