It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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