you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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