did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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