my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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