I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
