just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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