Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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