SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
