How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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