You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
