just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
