just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
