Betty ford says i'm here all night
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
