when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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