went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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