He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
