Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize