Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Two words: nipple clamps
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