if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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