my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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