his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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