We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
