there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
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