Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
