Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
