Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize