He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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