she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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