The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
