dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
