chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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