This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize