I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
