so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Please don't give away my fajitas
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize