I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize