3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
