If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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