Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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