i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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