seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
