It's Friday. Sex?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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