I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize