i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
