What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
