yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize