i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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