these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
