If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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