i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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