dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Will you blow on my dice?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
