so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
