that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
