16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
That's how pantless uber rides happen
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
