Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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