hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
