Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
