I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
