No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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