My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
