i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
