there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
