My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We need to get me chipped asap
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
