Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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