Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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