if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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