Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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