youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
