Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
