hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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