I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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