brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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