Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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