what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
