I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
