U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
