Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
