Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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