but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
